Expat friends

I follow some blogs of other expats living in Singapore.  There are a few who have just arrived in the past six months and another few that are leaving around the time that I will be leaving.  Almost all of them have a post about the struggles with making friends as an expat.  It isn't so much that it is hard to find people to become friends with but how much time and energy should one invest into the friendship knowing that one or both of you at some point will be moving away and possibly moving on.

So these posts from other bloggers really got me thinking about how their experience as an expat is going to be if they are being guarded about who they allow into their life? And, did I do the same thing?

In looking back at my time in Singapore I can honestly say that this never even came up as an issue for me.  I made some amazing friends while living here.  We have shared a lot of great memories and I would like to think that I'll maintain contact with them even once I move back to the US.  However, there is a very real possibility that we will lose touch.  That may sound harsh but that is just life.  I have friends that live in the same city as me that I've lost touch with and couldn't give you any specific reason as to why.

I will say that one of the lessons that living half-way around the world from your core group of 'peeps' teaches you is that you must work at relationships.  Obviously this is not only true for those of us living in different time zones but I think it is something we tend to take for granted in day-to-day life.  It is far easier to just assume that someone will always be there for you than to put effort into the relationship.  Prior to coming here I rarely 'scheduled' time to speak with my friends...sure...we would make plans to catch-up but even then I was a bit relaxed about even doing that.  A 12-13 hour time difference coupled with the cost of international dialing rates teaches you to actually 'set dates' with your friends and family.  As a result, I don't feel like I've missed out on too many things and haven't been too estranged from anyone back home while living here.

I'm thankful that I never had any reservations about making friends while living here.  Without some of them my experiences here would not have been nearly as wonderful.  I would be lying if I said that I wish I didn't have more time with some of them...but not once have I had the thought that I shouldn't invest my time or energy because one of us will be leaving.  So, instead of 'scheduling dates' with my US friends I'll soon be shifting my energy to arranging dates to call or video chat or visit in person with my friends from Asia. 

If you are an expat and happen to be reading this or have the opportunity to become an expat I'll give you some unsolicited advice on this topic...go all in when it comes to friends.  Who cares if you have 30 years or 3 years or 3 months with somebody?  I'd like to think that people enter and exit our lives at the times that we need them to be there and we don't always get to make the decision about the timing. 

I've been asked a lot lately about what I will miss the most when I return to the US and it is the exact same thing that I have said that I miss the most about being away from the US...the people.